She.

She thinks she's strong.
She's fought too long.
She feels she's losing.
She fret she's rotting.

Why?
Is the love given not enough?
Is the sacrifice made not holy?
Is the time spent not just?
Is she just not it?

Hang on, she said.
The road is long.
But please make her strong.
Let her belong.
For why is it so wrong?

Have faith, she reminds.
For God is Just.
He would suffice.
Patience, she held onto.
Belief, she breathed in
.
Just keep calm, and trust God.
Keep calm, and trust God.
Calm, trust, God.
Calm, trust.
God.
God.
God.

Have you ever choked on your own words?

I did.

Ya Rabb, please make me strong no matter what tests You've decided to put me in. And please make me understand that everything that has happened are within Your reasons.

Ameen.

I have faith in You, O'Allah. And I will always do.

Fall Down Seven Times, Stand Up Eight.

Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Like, literally.

Or almost literally.

It has been two weeks since the day all my hard work and efforts paid off. The day where everything seem so surreal even I find it hard to believe. The day when no mum was ever as proud as my mum seeing her daughter finally escapes the ACCA hell. The day where all the heavy burden that's been anchoring my heart down has been released. I felt light. Light, and free. Content and EXTREMELY blessed. 

Alhamdulillah, praises be to His Almighty. There is no power greater than Yours, O'Allah.

Now, let me involuntarily take you back to where it all began. 

2007 - 2010 ;

Fresh SPM Graduate. I wasn't a top scorer unfortunately, neither did I slack off badly. I was.. average. My hopes and dreams of wanting to score a scholarship to further abroad came crashing down like a bad-ass Godzilla crashing down some solid tall Tokyo buildings. After contemplations, I enrolled into UITM and took up accounting as a major despite not being so fond of it. (Bless mum for forcing me to take up accountancy as an extra slash just-in-case subject). Had one to of the greatest years of my life, graduated with the Vice Chancellor Award *blows nails* , earned a lot of boyfriend *puts on shades* , and.. blessed with a great circle of friends *beams*.

2011 - 2012 ;

Hell-o....ACCA. Decided to skip the normal bachelor and the nonsense unrelated subjects and went straight into ACCA with the expectation to get a head start against everyone else and to graduate sooner with a higher qualification. Little did I know.. that reality is a female dog. The first year wasn't as bad. But after the second year, I starting flunking. And I began to realise that it is a norm to flunk the same subject not once, but more than twice or thrice. I was lucky I was blessed with a bad-ass determination and positivity. Failing doesn't stop me from moving forward and having more go-s at it. Even with the-most-dreadful-breakup-of-the-year that I had to go through while being 42751283519 miles away from my family didn't stop me from battling hard. But the story didn't end here.

2013 ;  

Came back to Malaysia after being abroad for a year. Still not yet an affiliate but still very much determined to take on it and go harder. Had more attempts, studied harder, cried more, grew wiser, scored the interview of a good job, lost a good job because of the results and..

2014 ;

Finally. I GRA-DU-A-TED. I... graduated. I, gra-duated. Even typing it seems surreal. I'm a freaking affiliate! What was aimed to take 2 years became 3.5 years, but I GRADUATED. That's what matters, no?

Sometimes, it's not about who gets to the finishing line first. It's about what you learned whilst getting to the end. I might have failed one too many times along the way. But that only made me stronger and wiser. Alhamdulillah, praises be to His Almighty.

So real world, what have you got for me next?

The Ultimate Love.

If  you know me, you would know that I'm the kind of person who's big on positivity, self motivation and anything that goes along those lines. 

Over the years, I have faced countless of challenges, heartbreaks, tests and trials. I mean, face it, who hasn't? Ptttch. Right, back to the point. So I was saying, with all these tests and trials and whatnot, there was one where I feel like I was majorly tested. 

You know how when we're in love, we have the tendency to rely on our partner for supports be it emotional or physical? Yes, I too, was none other than those helpless idiots beings. I used to be very much in love (please excuse any cheesiness that is about to rape your eyes) with this one person. He was my day and night, my heart and soul, and everything and anything that took place in my live revolves around that person. We were so happy together and needless to say that future plans were in the picture. And then as dramatic as any love stories could be, the shittiest shit happens and I was left with no one else to rely on. It almost feels like my whole world came crashing down and nothing ever means anything any more. Or so I thought. Boy, was I wrong. 

It was then on when I was at my lowest of lows (you don't want to know how low, trust me), that I found my strength and a new source to rely on - GOD. MashaAllah, God is Great. The only dependence that anyone should ever have, is on Allah Almighty. For He never disappoints. I realise that it is through tests as these that He brought me back closer to Him. Alhamdulillah, Praises be to His Almighty. And so as of then, I became someone who now largely believes in FAITH. The strength that I get from simply having faith, is indescribably uh-may-zeeng.

No matter how crappy you day has gotten, have faith that He will turn it around for you. No matter how much you've sinned, have faith the He is All Forgiving and willing to forgive if you sincerely repent. No matter how difficult the trials and tests you're facing, have faith that He will puts you through if He puts you to it. No matter how low you've reached, have faith that He will rise you high if you just have patience and believe. See? Faith is powerful. And it also connects closely to positivity. I dig! You dig me?

Ya Rabb, may You keep me straight in Your rightful path, and may You keep me strong with Your every tests and trials. Ameen.